Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
