maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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