either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I didn't notice because vodka
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The power of my boobs compel you
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
