Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
