I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
