So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
