She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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