Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
