Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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