i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
