come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
