If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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