Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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