Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
