i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
