Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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