He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
