This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
