I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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