Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
