My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
