just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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