she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Your cock deserves a montage
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
