I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
