Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
