I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
do nipples grow back?
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