remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
