Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
