You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
