I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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