The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
