i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
