You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
