No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
