In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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