My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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