In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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