God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
