Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
