so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
