by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We are all done wearing pants today
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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