Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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