Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Randomize
