one two three fourrrrnication!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
