I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
