I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
