My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
