I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
