It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Randomize
