Dual....:-)
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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