Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
