singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
